She Sings

Her first note pierces the night,

Clear, beautiful and strong.

She sings for love,

She sings for hate.

She sings for life,

She sings for death.

She sings for every living creature,

Big or small.

The song is like blood or air,

The song is life.

The notes float away,

Hitting unsuspecting ears.

They bring joy and sorrow.

Some go unnoticed by a world too self absorbed.

She wishes they would only take a minute,

To listen.

If they don’t listen,

What is the point of the song?

But if she doesn’t sing,

She loses her song, which is life.

If she doesn’t sing,

She dies.

She Is Her Own

The blood runs red,

Bright against the pale white of her skin.

The pain burns,

But sends a rush of exhilaration through her body.

She looks at the faded marks,

From so many times before.

Each one a different incident.

The day he left her,

The day she failed.

The day she found herself lost,

Lost in a land she thought was her own.

Today?

She was driven from the place she called home.

The blood,

It was life.

She looked at the blood again,

Slowly trickling down her arm.

Here she is,

Her own vampire.

The Looking Glass

She gazes into the looking glass,

Searching for what others see.

Where is she?

That wonderful and happy girl,

Do they not see the tears streaming down her face?

She feels dull and lifeless,

In a colorful and lively world.

Do they not see her heart breaking?

Her dreams fading?

If only they could see through the lies,

See down to the pain hidden deep inside.

She closes her eyes and hopes for something new,

But when she opens them it’s always the same view.

She takes the mirror,

As if to get a better look.

She smiles at it once,

Not a happy smile but a grim smirk,

Hiding a secret from the world.

She holds the looking glass up,

And smashes it to a million pieces on the floor.

----------------
Now playing: Red Hot Chili Peppers - Californication
via FoxyTunes

You and She

She sat on the glittering pedestal that you built for her,

Flowers to her left and her love, you, to her right.

The days flew by in a whirlwind of colors and emotion,

It was you and she against the world.

Suddenly the day came,

The day where you had to leave.

Crying you kissed her goodbye,

Promising to come back for her again.

The thousands of miles kept you far apart,

But you were always in each other’s hearts.

Reunited you and she were a force to be reckoned with,

But soon you had the absinthe that is life cradled in your hands.

You were free,

But where was she?

Sitting on her once glittering pedestal.

The pedestal that was slowly losing its gleam,

The flowers wilted and the chair next to her looked empty as can be.

She looks at the chair and hopes for the day when it is again only,

You and she.

Schadenfreude?

Despite the fact that I love the word "schadenfreude" because there is no one word in the English language that it can be translated into, one shouldn't necessarily partake in "schadenfreude"-ing.

Taking pleasure at someone else's misfortune though is, sadly, part of our culture's favorite past times. Don't even try to tell me you haven't laughed or at least smiled to yourself when someone else got in trouble instead of you. Or when someone fell (maybe that person was me...considering I fall all the time...), you know you chuckled. But being in a situation where your misfortune is being laughed at...well basically it sucks.

My friends have picked on me in good humor for a long period of time. They all do this because they "know [I] can take it". It's fun...I even find it hilarious...in small amounts. Over the years things have started to get to me more. Sometimes I can't tell whether they're kidding or not. And to constantly be the one being mocked...well that starts to hurt. Can't someone say something nice? I know they say they're just kidding...and they are...but after awhile things start to stick. And being made fun of for the same things over and over well...I just start feeling like "Well, maybe that really is a problem."

I'm a very emotional person, so maybe I take things too personally? I don't know.

----------------
Now playing: Sara Bareilles - Morningside
via FoxyTunes

Once More, With Feeling...

Lately I've been feeling a little off. Yes I know we all get like that, it's normal, it's life. But this has been so much that I can't even begin to concentrate on doing things I need to do, such as writing a paper. I was supposed to write a paper for English on abstinence-only education and argue a point (mine was against abstinence-only education). I was reading the articles I found and got so upset with what people were saying that I couldn't take it anymore and threw the papers across the room.

I think I'm feeling trapped. I got a taste of what it was like to be on my own, away at school and out of the house. Then I came back. Yes I'm happier here than I was at Augustana, but I still want to get away. I severely want to experience college life in a good way. I want to be treated like the 18, almost 19 year-old, that I am. I want a place where I know I'll always have my friends within walking distance. A place that has something else for me to do aside from wasting my money and my time at a mall (not that I don't like shopping...just this has been too much).

I know exactly what I want out of a school. And I know where I want to go. I just hope I can get it. Then maybe I'll start feeling happy...normal...again.

I guess we'll see, huh?

----------------
Now playing: Lupe Fiasco - Superstar (feat. Matthew Santos)
via FoxyTunes

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry if it seems like I'm over-reacting sometimes: I'm not really over-reacting, I'm just responding to how the situation feels on my end. It's hard being far away and things aren't as easily fixable. I just want things to be alrite.

I'm sorry if it seems like we need to spend time together and talk every minute of every day: I don't expect that. You know that. You're my best friend and I love talking to you. Best friends are supposed to talk. And I love hearing about your day and things. And...if you have a problem...don't just tell me it's nothing and leave it. You used to come to me all the time...I'm here for you, no matter what. As for when we're around each other...it's because I don't get to see you...so if I have the chance, clearly I'd like to.

I'm sorry I get jealous: It's true, I do get jealous. It's because all these people get to see you and I don't. And when it feels like these other people or things are always the most important and I feel pushed to the back...I get more jealous. You know that I trust you and I know you wouldn't intentionally do anything to hurt me. I hope that you know that about me too.

I know we need to work on some things...and we will. And it can only get better. You mean so much to me...I don't know what I'd do without you. Know that I love you and that we can do this. Together.

----------------
Now playing: Lily Allen - Knock 'Em Out
via FoxyTunes